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Boho Groom – My Eight Year Wait to Propose

I can hardly believe I’m writing this, but my lovely fiance has actually agreed to write today’s post! OK, he owes me…the Autumn internationals have been on and I’ve cooked a lot of fry-ups and opened many beers for him these last few weeks, so it’s well deserved! I have been asked to state that this is the one and only time he will be blogging though…that’s me told.

The main reason why I agreed – well, actually offered, to write this post is due to the press (Grazia – Sarah left it open on said page…hint, hint) commenting on the royal wedding and questioning why it took so long for Prince William to propose to his Mrs. It’s made me feel the same kind of vein-popping-in-head-rage that I fell victim to, throughout our nine year relationship…

Those who know me, know I’m a one woman man. I have never been a ‘player’ and believe me, if you knew me you’d laugh out loud at that thought. I have however, been engaged before and my parents are divorced. But first and foremost, when myself and my Boho Bride (you’d also laugh at the idea of me being Boho Groom if you knew me. It has taken years of Sarah’s shabby {chic} ways, to loosen me up) got together in the first month of drama school, we were very young and at the start of our acting odyssey, so who knew where life would take us!

But once we’d graduated, there was the pressure of finding work, keeping work and times of being apart, as our jobs took us away from each other. As soon as we found our feet, we bought our first home…so you’d think the 25 year mortgage would be a grand enough gesture for those who had started to question and comment on my lack of intention. Our first furry baby Milo soon followed and by the time we’d bought our 2nd house, Toby our rescue cat had also joined the family unit.

Yes, I did acknowledge that a fair few of our friends were starting to announce engagements and that our Summers were filling up with wedding weekends, but as Prince Wills himself said, “if I’d known it were a race I’d have got there a lot quicker”. By most standards were were both still so young. It felt like there was still a whole lifetime ahead of us. I never once felt like I was doing a disservice to our relationship by waiting.

A couple more years passed and we had been discussing our marriage on a regular basis – but what really peeved me was the attitude of others…even those we didn’t know well would, if the subject of marriage cropped up, make some comment about me keeping Sarah waiting. As if I’ve ever been one to ‘play it cool!’ It was as though they thought I was stalling things or holding out, when in fact our wedding was a very prevalent subject between us and quite frankly, no-one else’s business.

The timing also never seemed to be right. Lack of work, mortgage payments, family illness all seemed to tarnish the days, which led into weeks…which actually turned into months and years. I wanted us to get married at a time when we could really enjoy and afford it and know that Sa didn’t want a massively long engagement.

Then last Autumn I decided that we were at the point of no return, happy, healthy, at a good point in our careers…and I wasn’t getting any younger. So on our eight year anniversary I decided to propose. However about a week beforehand my best mate paid us a visit to let us know he’d just proposed to his Mrs! So that put an end to those plans. No way I could take the attention away from some of our closest friends. So it was ‘put off’ for another 6 months.

Well I know my proposal has already been written of  in embarrassingly great detail. So I’ll leave things there. But must just say to any women waiting for those four illusive words – don’t worry. And however long it takes – don’t listen to the doubters. To the doubters – chill-out…and perhaps back off, it gets tiring after a while.

At the end of the day, there’s only two people in a relationship and only you two know what’s really going on behind-the-scenes.

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  • Albert Palmer December 15, 2010, 11:35 am

    I’ve been waiting for a period to read this when I can pay attention. Wise words – I recently proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years and endured a similar experience from family and friends.